You do not (necessarily) need to love yourself more, or learn from the past more, or work on your “flaws” more.
Self-love is not created in isolation. It’s discovered while being in community and while being alone. It’s built through reciprocity — through loving family members, friends, and/or romantic partners. Most importantly, you don’t have to do any more “healing”/”self-love”/”growth” work to deserve the kind of life you want.
Go to the weird events (especially the free ones!)
I had some financial stresses in 2023 that impacted what I could do. But while hanging out at a friend’s house is awesome, there are other fun things to do if you do enough research. Check out your local community centre, library, playhouse, and beyond. I was surprised by how many events I attended for free this year. The strangest ones also ended up being the coolest. 😉
25 is not old!
Eek. It is not too late, it is never too late! Life is too short to say “it’s too late” about anything. I’m not sure what happened between 20 and 25 (thanks, COVID), but I’ve felt a disconnect between my age and how I feel and it really bothered/bothers me. In many ways, I still feel 20 — or maybe I just wish I was 20. I’m still trying to sit with this feeling.
Your internal value does not change just because your external circumstances do.
I think of The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle which urges readers to differentiate between your “life” and your “life situation.” Your “life” is always gorgeous, deserving, and perfectly whole. You’re lucky to be alive and witness and feel! Your “life situation,” on the other hand, can feel like it sucks because of any number of external factors. So, yes, you might have a less-than-ideal life situation, but your life on its own is always good, good, good!
Their story doesn’t cancel out yours — and vice versa.
Everyone is their own person with their own stories and histories and motivations and desires. I do not need to (and cannot/should not) analyze everyone.
You can co-create joy with SO MANY people.
Memories you made with someone else belong to the both of you. They were co-created. You were one of the main ingredients there. You can create more beautiful memories with others. Don’t give up your power by assigning memories or emotions to certain people. Those experiences can never be replicated, but they exist on this weird plane between you and the other person — neither of you completely owns them.
Don’t cheap out on a couch (if possible).
I’ve heard too many horror stories from folks trying to cut corners with couches. If you have the means, invest in your health and buy a couch that is comfortable and supportive. You’ll spend more time on it than you think!
You have 3 options: 1) accept it, 2) hope to change it (through really hard work usually) or 3) realize you can’t change it nor can you accept it and therefore you must leave the situation.
If you accept something that crosses a boundary, you no longer have that boundary. If you’re fine with that, cool…but your boundaries are your boundaries because they are kept, not because they are danced around or negotiated.
I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR MY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS
My friends are absolutely incredible. They stun me sometimes. Even when we can’t see each other often, I can feel their love. I think about them often.
All your worst fears may come true anyway, so you might as well not worry too much about the potentiality of them happening.
Cynical, I know, but I also feel like this freed me. Worrying now will not save “future you”. Nothing will protect you from the future. In fact, the only thing you can be sure of in the future is that you will be there and that you can trust that “future you” will take care of whatever is thrown at them. Lean into joy at every possible “now” moment instead.
Fantasize!!!
Whether you’re daydreaming about the past or imagining possible futures, daydreaming can be a healthy coping mechanism if used responsibly. I’ve always been a big daydreamer. It keeps me creative, reflective, and most importantly, hopeful.
Your brain and your heart will fight — give up trying to break them apart.
Mind vs. emotions. There is no point overthinking either of them or trying to get one to overpower the other. Sometimes you will want a lobotomy. Sometimes you will want a cupcake and a bad romcom. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to think, think. Then move on with your day.
Ground yourself.
Any movement that connects you to your physical form: yoga, walking, swimming, standing on the grass in your bare feet…it’s all great. I walked around barefoot a lot in the summer and it felt so great. Highly recommend.
Anger is an underrated emotion.
I don’t often feel angry, usually just frustrated or sad. If I’m angry, it’s almost always for other people. But in the rare instances when I’m angry at someone, I’ve decided to let myself feel it. There’s something to learn in that space. It attunes us to when our values are being thrown into question — and when reality really hits us.
Don’t stop giving others the benefit of the doubt.
Family, friends, partners — if you choose to surround yourself with good people, you should give them the benefit of the doubt as often as possible. Assume good intentions as much as possible.
Hope, gratitude, and awe…
No explanation necessary.
New fave authors: bell hooks, Roxane Gay and Ashley Audrain
I will read anything they write.
You can’t comprehend how many more amazing people will show up in your life.
Just think of it! New nephews, new favourite bus drivers, new friends, new baristas, new loves. You don’t even know who’s coming your way!
Self-trust doesn’t materialize out of nowhere. It starts with action.
It isn’t a thought that promotes self-trust, it’s an action or decision made from that thought. It’s all in the follow-through. Sometimes it takes a long time to see the reward. Sometimes it feels like self-sabotage.
I love audiobooks!
I’ve been into podcasts for years but rarely listened to an audiobook. In 2023, I had one on the go most of the time and it’s been awesome. It transforms any walk, commute, or mindless chore.
I’m so glad I can’t predict the future.
Here’s to 2024!!!
emily coppella 